Realizations of a Single Lady!

Realizations from my dating experiences. Yes I love Netflix. Yes I love to chill...First of all if all they want to do is netflix and chill they are absolutely not trying to get to know me. This is NOT a date!

A nice guy who actually wants to date me isn't going to text me at 10pm and ask me to "watch netflix". A nice guy is going to actually call and ask me out on a proper date. The guy asking me to chill isn't looking for a girlfriend.

Okay okay we live in a society where traditional dates are of the past. This does not mean 10 minutes after meeting some dude hes going to get laid. 😪 offering up Netflix and Chill He might as well scream, I have no RESPECT for you!

Friends with benefits has got to be the worst idea! Firstly there are no boundaries. Whos really benefiting from that kind of relationship I assure you one party is getting the short end of the stick in that deal.

I read and agreed with this: "friends with benefits relationship destroys our ability to experience true intimacy within the context of a friendship and robs us of the joy of engaging in a healthy romantic relationship." I say, "NO THANK YOU"!

If after the initial meet of getting a drink or coffee if they dont ask you on a proper date. They are not serious about wanting to get to know you or date you for that matter.  The worst by far is thinking you were actually asked on a date only to find out your just actually hanging out I guess as a friend😂. Silly me.

In conclusion I am simply done trying to date. I guess I am just going to wait for that guy to appear. 😌 I am not looking for casual "hangouts". I dont feel the need to have sex with random guys in their apartments they couldn't even bother to clean. The guy who does not call or message back accept for when it suits himself or its convient for him.  That is a guy who does not care about me, who does not respect me. 

Dont need none of that I know my worth if they dont want to take the time to put some effort in getting to know me, into planning a real date to bad this girl loves herself to much to accept that foolishness. 

Life

Love.... sometimes I wonder if I have ever felt true love for the opposite sex or was it just an idea of what I thought love was... I feel like I was not given honest true love. I was not treated in the same manner I treated my partners. I gave my all emotionally, financially and in return was left with resentment and guilt for allowing myself to fall into a hole of unrealistic beliefs. Thinking someone will change the bad habits they have had for over a decade is unrealistic, the thought that they will change for me idiotic. Nobody changes unless they truly want to. Nobody makes their personal world better unless they put actions to their words! Its the same with losing weight many of us talk about it but don't actually change the bad eating habits that make us fat. Im on that journey determined. You want to stuff your face with poison that's your choice but don't try and make me wavier from my goals to live a heathier life. I don't care if you think its unfair to Matteo he will not eat what I don't eat! Im not gonna say hmm well I'm not going to eat that artificial chemical filled pastry but let me give it to my kid...

I know some people think I'm being extreme but for once in my life I don't care. I don't care if you think I'm being extreme, I don't care if you think I will fail by the way Im already down 18 pounds and that's just changing the foods I eat in less than a month! I haven't even started a exercise routine yet. If you try to bring me down your not my friend I will cut you out of my life. I have no room for toxic people.

Learning to love others means seeing that we are not better than anyone else. I Don't think I am better than anyone else because I don't agree with the way they are living their lives. It is their life to live like I have my life to live. We are only in charge of our own life and what we do with ourselves. We can not change others, or mold them into who we think they should be that's not our job. Can you encourage someone to make better choices?Absolutely. Ultimately it is their choice on how they will live, who they will be, where they will go, what they say, who they will be with, and who they end up becoming. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility". 

Where is the Real Connection?

   First its been a super long time since I have blogged anything. I was thinking about friendships, past relationships, relationships with other human beings.. 

    When it comes to connections, love, dating, friendships really any Relationships with others everyone is different. I can be weird and people don't "get me" I am who I am. I wear funky clothes mixmatch patterns and really love Ms. Frizzle(If you dont know who that is google it 😅) ❤. 

          One thing I am working on is trying to be more present and now. Working on having real face to face conversations with people. I have gotten so accustomed to talking over technology I realize I sometimes struggle to communicate well without it. I really really have a hard time with conflict and even more so I tend to worry more about others than my own happiness. 

On the topic of Relationships with others.... How hard is it to make new friends!? I had a conversation the other day with someone I consider to be a really good friend on this subject. Its not so easy I know people will say you just go up to people. No it dosent work like that when I was in Europe I went out on my own one day I was so excited and then the dread came over me I really dont like hanging out by myself in public. There are those people who go out and just start talking to people and find thier little temp group of friends nope not this girl. Straight up fear. But if there was an app find me a friend which im sure there is. Just plug it in Im here I need someone to hang out with you chat for a sec bam instant friend to hang out with...  

         I do have my rare moments of bravery where I have actually talked to someone in person who I didnt know. Sometimes you meet those people who just give off a vibe.  There these people who cross into our paths that you just connect with. It's like you've know each other forever and it just feels right. I like those kind of connections. I feel comfortable when those relationships come about to be myself to not feel as I have to impress this potential new friend. 

          Lot of rambling going on in this post but hey oh well getting out some thoughts. So besides my fitness goals which I am rocking also still need a black pass buddy to take me to the gym with them! ! Two other goals of mine are to #1. Start hanging out by myself in public more and #2. Start making real friendships getting deep and trusting some people. 
Hey fb might say I have a lot of friends but in reality I have about 4 who I talk to on a regular basis and who I actually get together with each one I trust with diffefent things. Ladies who actually know who I am and still love me lol. 

I love

I Love 

Listen to the small voice.

As I sit here in recess at a Charlie Sam table I am reminded of a warm summer day  when I first ventured into recess. I think about where I was at that time in my life and where I am today. How much time has gone by some of it wasted time on reckless endeavors. Wasted time on people... How much time do we waste on unnecessary things, people, worries, bad thoughts. Time wasted that we can never get back. Gone forever. I sit here and I think of all the darkness that has been engulfing my thoughts lately. Thoughts that I have allowed to fester in my mind. Negativity instead of light and positive thinking. There though is that small voice that says you can overcome, you are somebody, you are worth more, you are loved. That small whisper that if you just listen to it, it will bring you peace in your mind and soul. Snap out of it! You are better than this. How many times do we push that voice away and stay in our misery?

Toxic Selfish People

   What is a selfish person the dictionary would define selfish as, (of a person, action, or 

motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or

 pleasure. The hard thing is I never realize that I allow these people into my life until they 

have already affected me in a negative way. Selfish people are the true wolves in lambs

 clothing. They are nice, they are extremely sweet, they are likable, and they will suck the 

happiness out of you. Selfish people only care about their own pleasures and have no 

consideration for others even if they are causing that person pain. The kicker is most selfish

people don't actually know they are selfish and they end up carelessly walking all over the 

hearts of people who care for them. So I'm not saying I can't be selfish at times but honestly 

most of the time I put others needs before my own. It is a good and bad thing because

I usually end up paying for it emotionally. I need to establish boundaries with people. I am 

not going to be there for people only when they benefit and need me. While when I need them 

there nowhere to be found. I have constantly been the one to ask how your day is otherwise 

nothing. Makes  you wonder if a person even cares about you at all. Who needs a one sided 

relationship of any kind... Not me. Time who has time to waste... not me not on someone

who does not value that time given to them. Why put up with it? I can't. I need to realize these 

relationships are toxic to my soul, to my wellbeing, to my heart! I am a lover. I love people, I 

see the good in people, and I forget that some people are not like me. They are takers, they 

don't know how or are not willing to give of themselves. They make excuses for their

questionable behavior.  I won't be someone’s door mat.  I am moving forward no more repeats  of past mistakes. I WILL NOT let someone try and make me feel bad for what I feel! I am who I am. 

Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow is another day.  I let go of all grudges, hurts, and disappointments. The past is the past. I must remember not to sweat the small stuff, and that its all small stuff. I am loved, loyal, beautiful person inside and out, and a GREAT mother! Good will come to me if I am open to it. Love will come when I'm ready for it. Peace in my soul, silence the bad in my mind. Today I'm looking up, today I'm moving forward, today I will not be 2nd, 3rd or last. I will be on top of things, keep myself in check, stop thinking about other people all the time and putting their needs first before my own. I will be honest with what I want and speak it instead of always holding things in. I will live and love with all my heart. I will be free of the chains I've held myself back with. I deserve the best because I give my best. One giant leap in the right direction. Now it's on! I been weak for too long it's time to be Strong both physically and mentally! Bring it on!!