Shards of broken soul.

They say that everything happens for a reason. well I really hope that's true. That God only gives you what you can handle. I hope that is true as well. It's going to be a new year and a lot of changes in my life. My behavior everything. I can no longer live howhever I want. I need to have a plan a goal. Direction and a vision for my life.

Shards of broken soul pierce through my skin
what have you done with your precious life.
broken pieces of a girl once there lay shattered
at my feet. heartache creeps throughout my body
like blood through my veins. I am still alive. The pain
inside so hurtful and tearing. Going back to the same
old things that make me feel so empty inside. No more.
A new begining arises from the hell I have made myself.
I can survive it, I have to. The past will remain in the past.
It can not be altered and therfore I can not dwell upon it.
New life emerges from the darkness. ~grace~

On the Dark side of my mask.

Throughout the last few months since I moved back to Syracuse my life has unraveled. All my own doing.  Here I am thinking, I am being a free spirit, living life how I want, I have confidence and I am a good person with a lot to offer. Instead I am just naive chasing after shadows of things not really there. Delusions of the truth. Made up excuses in my mind to justify my behavior. I have to believe I am someone worth getting to know, that I am better than what I have subjected myself to lately . Now I am trying to figure out a way to clean up the mess I have made of my life. The decisions I have been making just hurt in the end. I feel ugly right now I am in a very dark place. I always pour my feelings inward bottle it up. No one can see me what I am going through. Who would want to see that, who would care. People act like they care but they don't really want to know what your going through. The truth they want to hear everything is great and good. Everything is fantastic life is good. My mask of happiness is crumbling and I just might break.  My bottle is overflowing.

Vibes....

Heart lines on my palm reveal my love for you is real.
Energy is who I am, vibrating through my veins.
Life is going to be better now that I know truth.
I will heal my broken heart. I will set myself free.
Ignorance will not be tolerated. I will un-program myself
from society's negativity. positive vibes I welcome freely into
my being. I will love the person I am. I will not live in the past.
The past is over and so, I shall wipe it from my mind.  Now is
what matters. The future is not yet here. The past can not be

changed. I will cast out fear.