On the Dark side of my mask.

Throughout the last few months since I moved back to Syracuse my life has unraveled. All my own doing.  Here I am thinking, I am being a free spirit, living life how I want, I have confidence and I am a good person with a lot to offer. Instead I am just naive chasing after shadows of things not really there. Delusions of the truth. Made up excuses in my mind to justify my behavior. I have to believe I am someone worth getting to know, that I am better than what I have subjected myself to lately . Now I am trying to figure out a way to clean up the mess I have made of my life. The decisions I have been making just hurt in the end. I feel ugly right now I am in a very dark place. I always pour my feelings inward bottle it up. No one can see me what I am going through. Who would want to see that, who would care. People act like they care but they don't really want to know what your going through. The truth they want to hear everything is great and good. Everything is fantastic life is good. My mask of happiness is crumbling and I just might break.  My bottle is overflowing.