Positive thinking does not always win...

       I know I am not alone. I feel it though. Loneliness engulfing my being. How did I mistake freedom for recklessness? You can't just do whatever you want. There are consequences for the choices you make, good and bad. I am terrified of what is to come. I am trying to stay positive. I have these days  where the dark thinking kicks the positive thinking into the dust. I came from a place of no baggage and in the last six months have loaded on more baggage than I feel I can bare. It's mine though its there, and its not going to just go away. As soon as I left Charlotte my  life started spinning out of control and down a path of destruction. I knew this months ago yet I kept drinking my problems away. Which in fact was just creating more and more problems instead of getting some type of counseling. Who needs counseling when you can get involved with people who don't care about you. How stupid for thinking they cared. Like the dumb girl in the movies... ugh disgusting. I need to be a better judge of character but how can you do that when your wasted all the time. Don't have to worry about that anymore.  I  am just disappointed in myself. I am a better person than I have been.