Reopening Wounds.

So much for this not being an emotional blog anymore. Ha! Who was I kidding. I keep allowing people into my life that hurt me. They may think its not a big deal to do certain things, or Not do certain things but to me it is. I think I tried to reason with myself why I was being ridiculous or over the top but no this is who I am. It bothers me and sometimes I hate that I am so sensitive but it's also why I am so sweet as people say I am. Why I want to help others who have been wronged. Why I'm a human service major but on the other hand it makes me question if I am even cut out for the field.  I'm a libra I look at what's fair and balanced and when I feel like I'm dishing out everything and getting nothing back in return and I'm not talking in materialistic things it hurts. I see this pattern of people I get attached to many of them are similar in certain ways. Today old feelings brewed up and I had a mini melt down because as much as I'm not living in the past I can't forget. I don't want to be made to cry I'm sick of shedding tears for people who don't treat me like I should be treated. I'm not going to go through emotional trauma over anyone not this time. Things shouldn't be so complicated you treat people the way you want to be treated. I am so much stronger than I was 2 years ago. When I came home from NC that time of my life was DARK! I did a lot of sketch things almost lost a friendship, was partying excessively, I was getting involved in things and taking serious risks with my life. I never want to be back in that place ever. I used to bottle everything up not stick up for myself, not confront the issues it's still hard for me to do face to face. A lot easier to blog it but I am working on and getting better at speaking up for myself in person. The problem is I'm too nice have a hard time setting boundaries but they go need to be set and I do need to be stronger. Things are broken that haven't quite mended fully I realized that tonight. I'm not healed and that trigger just deepened my wound.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. -unknown